Day 159 - Knight of Cups

 

Day 159

 

 I think I need a break from life at large, though I'm not sure such a time off is even possible. Tournament took a lot from me, preparation for it even more. I feel like a pile of puzzles thrown out of the box.

Next card - Knight of Cups

Just like Knight of Swords, this one is quite impulsive. Charming, artistic person that easily captures hearts of others. His impulsive behaviour and strongly emotional inclination make him devoted, but not loyal. Anything can change his mind, because it's ruled by emotions. Sensitive idealist, a romantic that always seeks that perfect love. Someone who can make love feel like this grand adventure, and make your heart race.

Day 158 - Page of Cups

 

Day 158

 

My boss suddenly organised an "important team meeting". My reaction was like "okay, who did he fire this time?". You can only imagine my surprise when he announced that it is him that will be leaving.

Definitely not something I expected.

So the Page of Cups, first card of the Cups Court!

 

Just like with Page of Swords this one is a rather naive and inexperienced. Not in reason, communication and logic but in relationships. Remember, this is a Cups card. Emotionally open, intuition-driven person. Kind, non-judgemental. Definitely playful and spontaneous, but rarely experienced. A bit like a child you wanna take care of.

In reverse we focus on negative aspects, on being naive especially. On being too kind, to accepting, on being someone easy to take advantage of.

Day 157 - Enshittification of Google

 

Day 157

 

Has anyone noticed how bad Google services has gotten in the past year or so? 

 

Google Search gives worse results that Google Ads, in fact if you want information ChatGPT free is much much better despite hallucinating (which notably is the same as Google sending you to pages with misinformation).

 

Google Maps looses it's way and wobbles camera randomly. I do not know who decided to add a feature that rotates camera horizontally when you skew your phone sideways, but it was one of the worst features ever.

 

Google Docs is barely better than notepad. Dictionary full of holes, spellcheck doesn't work, punctuation checks are random and this blogger has better formatting tools that Google Docs.

 

And YouTube is perfect for those who want to watch only one video over and over, as playlists rarely work properly, recommendations could be called "assorted things you already watched" and even functionality of starting video where you last stopped watching it rarely works. If you want to continue where you stopped it works great... for 2 minute music videos. The same functionality breaks completely for 3 hour long videos, for which it was supposedly designed. And don't even get me started with YouTube for mobile phones...

Day 156 - Ten of Cups

 

Day 156

 

Resting, regenerating, having some fun. This is the last day of my leave, tomorrow I'm back to work.

 

And speaking of work, I really noticed improvements in my Tarot readings from analysing card by card. My readings were faster, easier to understand and more to the point. Perhaps this is the way to get better at it, or at least one for me.

 

And with that - last numbered card of the Cups!

 

Ten of Cups

 

This card is the same as Nine of Cups, with only nuance to differentiate them. Nine of Cups was a positive card of personal happiness and fulfilment. Ten of Cups is a happiness and fulfilment as a group. Difference between being alone in your happiness, and being with others. Single vs family.

Day 155 - After the Tournament

 

Day 155

Ended up skipping two days due to the tournament. My body hurts! I didn't get hit much, but I clearly overexerted myself. 

 I ended in a sixth place, and I am proud of that one. I had a lot of fun, partly thanks to my wife being there. I may have a way with words, but aside from that my social skills are severely lacking. She made this event a vastly more pleasant one for me.

Day 152

 

Day 152

Tomorrow's the tournament. I'm anxious, I'm unsure of myself, a bit. Or perhaps I'm just lazy. It would be so much easier for me to just stay home and play games, or write, or start practicing anything. 

 

Day 151 - The Path Onwards

 

Day 151

 

No Tarot today. Just thoughts throughout the day.

 

Morning, awoke at 7 o'clock which is mighty early for me, even worse that I also awoke around 5 o'clock and wandered around the house for a bit...

 

And in the morning "run automated tests ASAP" message at my work. Changes and fixes to those tests made, but never committed by my co-worker who is off, and who took this task to avoid doing the UAT testing instead. He does that often - takes a week off when the testing time hits.

I recently decided to try a Quareia magic course. My wife gonna try it too, as she was searching for basics anyway. For me it's mostly about going through course and learning something useful, for her it's mostly "I'm a witch anyway, might as well learn to control it". First module is about meditation and we already differ. Meditating with focus on a single point and nothing else is hard for me, easy for her. Meditating with visualisation is easy for me, hard for my wife. In fact I use inner fire meditation with Tummo breath technique to stabilise myself during hard training. I decided to start with notes and journal after my fencing tournament, just in case.

Now that I mentioned tournament. I'm a bit scared. It's the first time I'm going to this kinda party... or maybe not the first time. The thing is I'm not used to this. If I'm honest I grew strongly used to, content and attached to just staying at home and not doing anything big. 

Day 150 - Nine of Cups

 

Day 150

 

I finished one short story, that I could continue in the future if I wanted. Nothing really special, just some fantasy.

 

Getting tired again. Eh...

 

Today card - Nine of Cups

 

Nine of Cups is one of those good cards, symbolising joy and fulfilment. Emotional balance and abundance we should be grateful for. This card is deeply individual - while suit of cups is social, this card talks more about a person than their relations.

In reverse it adds one key phrase - "on the outside". What if all you accomplished is not enough? Perhaps you feel discontent, or what you did gain was not what you want. Are you too greedy? Or perhaps what you accomplished was just a shallow imitation of what you aimed for.

Day 149 - Eight of Cups

 

Day 149

Another mass layoffs at company I'm working for! It's always funny when meeting starts with host saying "If you were invited, you didn't get fired!"...

Oh well, let's go with the card.

Eight of Cups

Just like Seven of Cups, this card deals with the past. This time it's not nostalgia, but dissatisfaction and avoidance. Eight of Cups symbolises leaving situation that no longer was good for you. Like leaving toxic relationship. In this case it's similar to Seven of Swords, moving on from the situation. This time context is different - instead of leaving behind problem you cannot solve, you leave behind unhealthy situation or relationship.

Day 148 - An Exhausting Day

 Ha! I would almost forget to post.

Some days I tell my wife in the morning that I'm gonna have a hard day.

And she decides to make it even worse.

Day 147 - Seven of Cups

 

Day 147

 

Rest. I need more rest. Napping in the middle of the day is nice. Napping on a passenger seat is nice. Napping...

 

Next card!

 

Seven of Cups

 

This card represents situation when you have a lot of options. Options, opportunities, choices. You have them all, right now. But once you choose one, you may loose another. Harsh reality breaks through fantasy, if you don't make a choice now, time will make one for you. Indecision may be worse than hasty decisions. Many options can also mean emotional overwhelm. How to evaluate them?

In reverse this card means you know what you want, illusion of choice is dispelled because you easily sift through your options. Or perhaps you do not have options at all, which may be just as devastating emotionally as having too many of them.

Day 146 - Six of Cups

 

Day 146

 

 Oh god I'm so tired. So fucking tired. My eyes are barely open and I could sleep thrice a day without any rest. Skipped yesterday partly because of this.

But, still... next card.

Six of Cups

 

Six of Swords was a card of travels and departures. Six of Cups sees similar concept - nostalgia. This can mean a lot of things. Clinging to the past, unresolved issues. Or just reliving childhood memories for a warm fuzzy feeling. Did you mature, moved on from the past? Or is there something in your memories that haunts you to this day?

It's not bad to remember the past, it's not good to live in the past. Those who spend their days wondering what could have been will inevitably miss things that are and loose things that can be.

Day 144 - Five of Cups

 

Day 144

 

Apparently some party in Germany sent out fake deportation notices to immigrants as part of their election campaign. This got me thinking, why are immigrants so often considered a threat? Even if you give them votes, their control over your country will be proportional to amount of them being full citizens compared to the rest of the country. That's a minuscule amount! Compared to that foreign companies have enormous control over the country, just giving a raise during reign of party A and mass layoffs during time of party B can extremely affect people's perception of those parties. And don't forget lobbying, bribing politicians for law changes and breaking laws because when fine is a specific amount you may as well consider it pert of operating costs.

You want your country free and powerful? Don't kick out people who think your country is great, kick out foreign companies who think your country is exploitable.

And with that - to the next card!

Five of Cups

Same vibes as with Five of Swords. Card of regret. This time there is nothing to win, because loosing good relationships in suit of Cups is never a good thing. Card symbolises focusing on hat you lost, instead of moving on. Which is quite fitting card for this suit, how many people mull over a break up for a long time instead of moving on?

In reverse this card has a more positive meaning. Moving on, new hope, finally looking out for new possibilities.

Day 143 - Four of Cups

 

Day 143

 

Everything in excess can tire. For me it sometimes feel like life itself is tiring, especially when I'm overwhelmed by... well... everything. Today I took a day off, nit like anything important was going on at the company anyway. And it would be first day off for half a year or so...

 

Four of Cups

 

Fours are interesting. Remember Four of Swords? Card "safe space to contemplate". This card is similar, except... if you take into account that this is social suit of Tarot, card that symbolises contemplation and introspection isn't positive here, because it also means "alone time". Thus this card means apathy, disconnection, being alone and missing social opportunities.

Day 142 - Three of Cups

 

Day 142

 

Not much happened today. Seems I cannot ground myself energetically, perhaps because I'm of element earth myself.

Three of Cups

It's the card of party, of friendship, of joyous time spent with others. And yes, some joy-kills interpret it as an affair because it's essentially card of third person. It's not a core meaning, it's something added by people who can't possibly use Tarot to anything else than love reading. Quit spewing nonsense, your lover is with friends not having an affair!

In reverse this is card about toxic groups, conflict and drama that permeate social gatherings. Can also mean isolation, though it's rarer interpretation since it fits more to reversed ace.

Day 141 - My Birthday

 

Day 141

 

Today is my birthday! It... doesn't feel much special. Birthdays of my children strongly overshadow mine nowadays. But they also seem to have much more fun from them. A lot changes in one's life between the age of three and four, not much changes in the year before turning 32.

So... what did I achieve in the past year? My wife says a lot, I say not much. Perhaps internal perspective is simply too weak for introspection. 

 

I'm still working in the same company. Decided to leave, then changed my mind. Funny. 

 

I trained fencing, rapier and long-sword. Got somewhat better, especially with some individual lessons.

I did some gardening. Planted raspberries in my garden, built a walkway around one of the corners of my house.

 

I bought my long sword and carved a scabbard for it in wood. Kinda started a carving hobby. 

 

Published my first book! Second one is still in translation... 

Changed my diet, a lot. Did blood tests to check what is wrong with me too. Forst I removed garlic sauce, next went out the milk. Last change was to remove cheese from everyday diet. Appears that I am lactose intolerant, explains why I drank goat milk in my childhood. In addition cheese has more cholesterol that peanut butter of equal amount (as long as you use normal peanut butter, not something hardened with palm oil). Introduced a lot of fish into my diet.

All in all it was a more peaceful year with time to do many side projects.

Day 140 - Two of Cups

 

Day 140

 

Snowstorm rages on. Around noon I managed to shovel some of the snow off my driveway. Wife and kids started making snowman out of it. Not a very good snow for that, but they managed to create something that's taller than older daughter. Snowing slowly turns it into big snow cone.

Next Tarot card!

Two of Cups

Two is a pair. In upright position means a mutual relationship of respect, unity, fairness. Perhaps a true love, if the context is fitting. Can mean a good partnership in business or any other endeavour. Doesn't say if two people who share such positive, balanced relationship are of the opposite gender, so don't waste your time putting "he" or "she" in your readings.

In reversed position means unequal, unbalanced relationship. Perhaps it's a toxic relationship, or simply two incompatible people facing constant miscommunication. This partnership will not yield any positive results, only conflicts and distress.

Day 139 - Ace of Cups

 

Day 139

 

Last training was amazing. A big test to check if my practice helped me in any way. My master made us all do the non-combat parts of competition. Hitting the ball as many times as you can in 30 seconds, reeling as many loops of the thread as you can onto sword in 20 seconds, catching wooden rings with your sword... I ended up coming second which really boosted my confidence.

 

Back to Tarot! We are starting the suit of cups. Cups are a minor arcana focused on emotions and relations with others. In other words they are what we usually expect from Tarot - love readings!

Ace of Cups

As all Aces this is the card of beginnings. Where Ace of Swords talked about new ideas, Ace of Cups speaks about new emotions. New meetings, new relations. New feelings, even for the old acquaintances.

Reversed Ace of Cups speaks about blocking off others, emotions and relations you stay away from. Disconnecting oneself from those around us.

Day 138 - Banned from Reddit!

 

Day 138

 

I never created a fake internet persona, so I speak my honest mind each time I'm online. It sometimes get me banned, I'm an unapologetic mix of personality. Due to this, I get banned from social media twice a year or so.

Funny, half a year ago being banned from a subreddit would be distressing, but now I got a three day ban from Reddit as a whole and I can't see it as anything but hilarious. Especially since ban is just for posting and commenting, while 90% of what I do is reading. It's not even a punishment!

This got me thinking. Social media can't truly ban people, because every banned person is simply one less viewer. They get their money from showing advertisements, so if someone can't see their website it's a financial loss. There are no consequences on social media, because consequences hurt owner of the social media more than they hurt user.

Ah, and why have I been banned this time? Ireland is passing a law that they will cut ties with war criminals and those who trade with them. Probably aimed at Germany for keeping trade with Russia, but the biggest war criminals in the world are also USA and Israel. I commented "Anything that both USA and Israel hates must be a good thing by default" and got banned for Hate Speech.

Day 137 - King of Swords

 

Day 137

 

 King of Swords

It's an artefact of well-disciplined intellectual authority. A mentor figure, able to teach others and show them the correct interpretation of the world. It's a powerful combination of skills to be both persuasive and intellectual. If there is any confusion or deception, you can expect King of Swords to cut through it with a simple question.

Which also makes him an excellent tyrant. His logic sounds much better than morality, his arguments warp your perception of reality. And when you are confused he can that easily use his authority. "Trust me, I know better".

This is the pinnacle of the suit of Swords. The ultimate intellect. And just like with all of the sword cards, it doesn't say how it's gonna be used. Is he a just leader for his people? Is he a tyrant manipulating the gullible? Is he a mentor figure forging young Page into confident Knight? Or is he a deceiver playing with lives of others like pawns in the greater game?

He is certainly force to be reckoned with.

Day 136 - Queen of Swords

 

Day 136

 

 Yeah, I skipped some days. Was a bit preoccupied.

Queen of Swords

As a personality this card is simply a more refined and experienced Knight of Swords, a next step in the journey of mastery. Analytical, perceptive, honest, self-reliant. All the good intellectual things. On the other hand she can be overly critical, talking people down even from good ideas. She may seem cold, almost devoid of emotions, but either has a soft heart or repressed trauma that holds her hostage. 

 

In reverse she is manipulative, deceptive, she uses her intellectual prowess to achieve her goals. Her cold outwards behaviour will eventually leave her isolated, feeding her distrust and paranoia.

Day 134 - Knight of Swords

 

Day 134

 

Kids are back. I feel kinda better, happier, with them around. I thought there would be no difference, after all I didn't miss them until the moment I got them back. But then again, it feels good to be dad.

 

Onto the next card!

 

This time it's Knight of Swords

 

Knight of Swords is action focused, brave and bold version of Page of Swords. Great leader, problem solver, able to put up a very convincing arguments.

However! He is still impulsive and clings to ideals, beliefs about the world more than facts. His social skills are crude, unable to accept that his amazing arguments may not convince everyone, which makes him overbearing. He tends to focus too much, tunnel vision is almost his second nature.

Where Page lacked confidence, Knight lacks in tolerance. Those who question his logic make him feel uneasy, frustrated, angry. While motto of the knight would be "I can solve every problem", his shadow adds "Why can't everyone see than I AM RIGHT?"

Day 133 - Page of Swords

 

Day 133

 

Gods, it's so good to not have kids for a while. I will probably start to miss them soon, but for now I have more energy, more strength, more time.

 

First court card! Yay! In my opinion Court cards are usually personalities of people who are on the journey matching the suit. In terms if swords it's intellectual journey.

 

Page of Swords would be a student then.

 

Always curious, always inquisitive. A fresh pair of eyes and ears that will notice things others didn't. Kinda person who speaks their mind and usually tends to hit the nail on it's head. If there is something obvious nobody wants to day, you can be sure Page of Swords will state it bluntly... and probably pay for this. Idealistic, principled, gives off a vibe of naive person who thinks everyone around is rational. Energetic and impulsive, sticking their nose where they don't belong just because life didn't hurt them for this behaviour yet.

You can probably already see how the suit of swords is gonna break them or make them in the future.

Day 132 - Ten of Swords

 

Day 132

 

Ten of Swords

 

Yeah, alongside the Three of Swords probably one of the most responsible for bad reputation of the swords.

Symbolises an ending, unforgiving and unhappy. Situation of betrayal, surrendering to the situation.

But again, people forget that swords are a suit of intellectual situations. The ending, the betrayal, the giving up is all in your head. One of the greatest intellectual surrenders is to accept that you may never know everything you want to. It may be about some actual intellectual topic, like quantum physics or some shit. It may be about your relationship, some secret you will never learn. It may be about your work, accepting that you will never master the craft you wanted.

As a final card it's a card of endings. As a sword card it says that the ending must happen in your mind. You may have broken up with your ex months ago, but your mind is stuck on that person. You may have stopped practicing ages ago, but you still resent that and wonder what would happen if you didn't.

Sometimes it's good to give up. To move your energy towards better endeavours.

Day 131 - Nine of Swords

 

Day 131, day to myself.

I'm alone. Girls are at their grandparents flat, wife on a live course for a horse jumping competition judge. It's calming and quiet in my home. What should I do?

 

I tidied up on the bookshelf, filled dishwasher and laundry machine. I ordered some food and after finishing this post I will most likely hang the laundry. After eating I guess I will take a nap and then clean up the floor. Dishwasher should be done by then for another fill-up.

 

I sometimes think about magic. Things I did back when I was in the middle school were pretty extreme, but I will never know if they happened because of me or were just a lot of bizarre coincidences. Same with my wife and spells we use nowadays. Do they really work? Or is it all just a mix of placebo and coincidence. If something changes because we will it, it's called magic... and psychology. Can I cause again things that happened back then? And even if, can I somehow benefit from them? Tarot cards often confuse me, and I only understand what they could mean in retrospective. I say "could" because finding meaning in retrospective is something humans are hard wired to do, we find patterns and common elements everywhere not because they are there, but because that's the main ability of our brains.

And with that onto the next card.

Nine of Swords

This continues on the themes of previous card. Just like Eight of Swords showed situation of person being trapped by their own beliefs, ideas and preconceptions; Nine of Swords explores idea of someone being haunted, tormented by their thoughts, memories, ideals. Anxiety, fear, guilt and regret. Again, card doesn't specify that you really have the reason to feel those feelings. Instead it's simply stated that they are, within you, like a cancer giving you pain from the inside. 

 

Many young people nowadays love to self-torment themselves with anxiety over things that are way beyond their control and so far away they will never even feel them. I guess it's time to blame media, after all why would anyone show a boring news about boring and safe events in the region, when instead you can make your consumers anguish over misery and injustice half a globe away? They have nothing to fear, but they will feel fear. They have nothing to be ashamed about, but shame drives clicks and payments.

In reverse this card has many meanings. Just like you can exit a hole you dug yourself into in many ways and directions. Perhaps it's time to finally let go of paranoia, anxiety and baseless fear? Or perhaps you are avoiding and denying you ever felt those emotions, pushing them down into subconscious? Perhaps you are finally breaking from the cycle of self-torment or self-torment is slowly bubbling within you not yet visible from the outside?

Just like there are many ways to get into situation from this card, leaving this situation has many different options.

Day 130 - Eight of Swords

 

Day 130

 

Sometimes when things I have to do pile up I feel like the only thing I actually can do is curl up in my bed and cry. 

 

Eight of Swords

This card could be summed up by "Situation is much worse in your head than in reality". It's a card of victim mentality, of being trapped by your own perception. Being overwhelmed, mentally blocked from seeing the solution.

In reverse this card means breaking free from illusory problems, taking new actions or perspectives to solve something that seemed impossible.

Day 129 - Seven of Swords

 

Day 129, Happy New Year!

Beginning of the year will be difficult and hectic. I plan big and small changes in my life, depending on scale one would prefer to judge them by. For now, let's go with another card.

Seven of Swords

Card of strategy and cunning. Card about making a clever plan, daring to do something to achieve your goals. Also often card of being independent, solo. "You know what you have to do, will you do it?" could be written on the card. This card had many different interpretations throughout the ages. Some focused on aspect of planning, some focused on cleverness or deception, some of daring to achieve your goals. And while they are all part of the card, it shows how the same concept can have different interpretations and undertones for different people.

In reverse, as you may already guessed, it's a card of failed plans. being caught with your deception, getting fact-checked one may say nowadays. Or perhaps deception so failed, you were the only one believing it to be true.