Today's training left me frustrated. I just can't seem to grasp it no matter what I try. I swing too slow, keep my guard too close, can't synchronise my footwork with strikes. Funny - I bet few years ago I would just give up.
I often feel like live out of obligation. Like I cannot give up because I'm already obliged to continue. For example I cannot just give up on fencing now, I'm already signed up for a fencing competition in January, not even counting that I still have four training left on my pass (lessons are sold in a set of ten). Same feeling with work - I would gladly take a week off but I'm currently in the middle of important task.
Is there really anything that I want, any goal or achievement I strive for? I rarely feel like anything is worth my time, I do stuff because others have told me to or I have a need for something specific. I kinda live like I do shopping - with a list of what is currently needed.
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