I'm tired of my life today. I'm in a "father leaves to buy milk and never returns" foul mood. Luckily I'm a dutiful person who would never do such thing, though I must admit I often contemplated suicide back in my younger days.
I was never rebellious in a common image of this kinda kid. I am used to resign myself to the situation, no matter how bad it is. Thus I never ran away from my parents, almost never got into fight, never had an emo or punk phase. Instead, every day when I walked home from the school, I stopped in the middle of the bridge and wondered. How does it feel to fall? What happens after we die? Should I do it now? Thoughts like those, I had them every single time I crossed that bridge. Obviously I never did it, otherwise I wouldn't be writing those words now.
Work is taking a stressful toll on me. I'm surrounded by incompetence, lies and unreasonable demands. I'm not even sure what to do, all is in the hands of others right now. Waiting for others to do something that affects whether I can finish my work or not is the most stressful part of working in corporations. My co-workers from another teams are uncooperative, manager that's supposed to help in this is a very definition of an ineffective person and product owner above it all might as well disappear and nobody would notice.
Funny thing - I'm getting racist from this all. Incompetent person always playing for time? From India of course! Who will be doing everything twice as long while being twice as vocal about their work? USA! Who will follow procedures only when it causes malicious compliance? Polish! Most depressed employee using big words and exaggerations to stress others? Mr British!
I dunno, I wish to be left alone to think and rest, but that's not something you can ever have once you start a family.
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