Day 86 - it's all coming back together

 

Day 86

 

I kinda needed to kill day 85. It was rough.

 

I finally got material for my XIV-century fencing trousers! It was in a quaint little sewing supplies shop on a main square of nearby town. I'm bringing it to my master and champion tomorrow, so they will make me trousers like no other in my wardrobe. 

On friday I'm meeting with a local accountant company, if they agree they will take over after inFakt and clean up all the mess. 

 

I also decided to take two days off (thursday and friday), on friday my wife has birthday and I already know what to do! A big sushi party for lunch! She loves sushi and I plan to order a big mix from the local sushi place. 

You know, it starts growing on me, my work that is. I'm starting to like being practically a local dr House for them, the guy they call into the meeting ad hoc and ask a question without context knowing well that he will be able to answer.

Day 84 - my life has no purpose

 

Day 84

 

Perhaps I am not enough.

 

Some days my life is just so tedious, so bleak. I hate bureaucracy, I hate doing stuff where I can't see the end of it. It's not that I dislike slow progress, I just want to feel like each day I truly did something.

I have no purpose in life. I wake up, either work at the company or around the house, then sometimes I spend time on my hobby and end the day going to sleep. I don't really have a goal to achieve.

Burning passion for my work is something I lost long ago. Corporate life is the antithesis of what I enjoy in IT, but it's the most stable source of income.

Fencing is somewhat of a drug for me, I have a lot of fun doing it. I do not believe myself able to achieve something here though, and expectations of my master are weighing on me.

Writing is again - something I do for fun. As soon as I have to translate it before publishing it becomes a tedium. I'm also not comfortable with publishing stuff when it requires cooperation with someone else, so I most likely will never publish my D&D book.

Crafts are what I do when I want something, but it's either too custom or too difficult to obtain. It's not something I do for money, neither something I find great purpose in.

Day 83

 

Day 83

 

 Nothing important happened today.

My cat has hiccups or something.

 

My wife was on hubertus.

 

I've done laundry and re-stocked dishwasher.

Day 82 - inFakt sucks

 

Day 82

 

I'm working B2B. This was supposed to not be a problem, but my country requires every company to have an accountant. And the hag provided by the company whose service I'm using is driving me nuts. I will probably find someone more local to be my accountant after this month.

 

Company I'm using is called inFakt. Their service isn't always working right. I had several problems paying my taxes and had to do them through bank. This didn't sit well with their app, notifying me constantly about unpaid tax. Informing their provided accountant about it didn't help. In fact she's half the reason I wanna leave them. In february I found out I'm on a so-called small ZUS and called her, in conversation I informed I need to switch to large ZUS and also that I am no longer working job contract, instead being B2B completely. Half a year later she was surprised to learn that I am on B2B or that I should be on large ZUS, defended herself that she has no e-mail from me about it. What is the point of her phone number if she's going to simply disregard anything said on call? Now with me breaking some arbitrary limit and having to start paying VAT the circus begins anew.

inFakt managed to convince me that I should never, ever start my own company. Or at least never use their services again.

Day 81 - signals I can ignore (for now)

 

Day 81

 

 Writing now because I many not be able o write in the evening. I will be having another training session today. Pain in my arm and in my leg tells me that something is wrong, my physiotherapist may help, I will go to her on Monday. 

Today training session should be lighter, master promised to bring all his training rapiers so that I cab check which one is good for me and my wife for in-house training.

Day 80 - did I die fighting in previous life?

 

Day 80

 

Another fencing training. Sword today. Not sword exclusively though, we also had some fun trying to slap each other in fencing position. Lots of fun. Our champion said she never met someone who had so much fun in combat, while I giggled through the fight. I dunno why, there is some switch in me when I fight. Doesn't matter if I win or loose, get hit or land a hit. It's like drugs, rush of blood, clear mind and constant laugh.

One of my sparring partners jumped away when I burst out laughing.

Now to somehow get into the same state of mind during competitions...

Day 79 - not all who hurry are right

 

Day 79

 

Today I learned that I'm completely unable to work with my wife in terms of business. 

 

When she wants something money-and-business related she wants it immediately, "done yesterday" as they say. She oozes stress, radiates fear and hurry. Makes me wanna run away, push through using strength instead of smarts.

She's away now. Running with the horses as she often does. Fixed all her problems, as soon as she stopped breathing down my neck like a tyrannosaurus. Never wanna do it again though, amount of psychological discomfort was excruciating.